Who to Keep?

Photo of Frederick Claflin

By Avdhessh Arya

Here is something I want to tell you:

I am supposed to ‘cooperate’ with a negative family member who has been disturbing the atmosphere for quite long now. After trying to make that person understand what’s wrong, and failing, I have decided not to. Period.

All of us want to connect with likeminded people, who share our interests, but there will be some who might not like you, and may even try to harm you. Mentally or emotionally. So, what do you? Carry the burden on your shoulders because you are supposed to or….. Quit.

I prefer quitting.

Not because I am a quitter, but, because you must know when to quit.

You are here to live your life, be happy and help others become happy. Not all people will support you. Choose who you want to associate with for the highest good of all. If something resonates, good, or else quit.

Not all people are worth keeping company.

Editor’s Note: Avdhessh Arya, is a personal development coach for youth and voice actor, who helps young people break walls of self-imposed limitations and become confident individuals. He is also the founder and owner of avdhessharya.com, a website portal with focus on dealing with lack of self-confidence, negativity, self-doubt, lack of focus and more. Visit http://avdhessharya.com to read more such insightful articles.


  1. johnars says:

    How did you get in my head? I agree with your view, and taking a similar approach

  2. Everyone needs to learn this lesson and take advice from the Gambler’s Creed (Kenny Rodgers) Know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away and know when to RUN! Loved your post.

  3. seakist says:

    Wise, very wise!

    This post came to my email. I will save it and cherish it forever!

  4. bipolarmuse says:

    Great article! I agree 100%.

  5. I agree! Good piece. Sometimes relationships tend to take more effort to make work, then it is worth, and you need to know when to surround yourself with positive people, who want the best for you, and who you can trust, rather then waste time and stress on those with ill intentions!

  6. couldn’t agree more!

  7. Great post! I totally agree, but it took me a long time to be able to come to the place that I could “quit” without feeling wrong about it. Life is so much better since I did.


  8. EllaDee says:

    Good post. I agree also. Some people are toxic, and possibly always will be. Like any toxic substance for our own wellbeing we need to stay away from them.

  9. I am in the same position with two negative family members. Quitting is the only way whether family or not, abusive treatment doesn’t have to be tolerated. The best way is not to give them an opportunity to continue their dysfunctional behaviour…Quitting, yes!

  10. We all need to let go of ‘poor influences’
    be good to yourself

  11. living4bliss says:

    AMEN. Toxic people are contagious. You have to stand up sometimes and say – I know that they are family, but they are not good for me.

  12. askmemes says:

    I think we should learn. To un-name and un-blame. Let in new light. Reflect a new place. Shift in your heart.

    Being hooked to your fears. Darkens your space. Allow the gift. Of loving kind-ness in. Now watch. Your transformation. Begin!

  13. haroldmillet says:

    Great post!

    And I love this “Not because I am a quitter, but, because you must know when to quit.” ;D

  14. DSS Ramam says:

    Hi Avdhessh Arya, It is a good post. I agree with you completely. We know they are bad company, however, detaching oneself emotionally is the difficult part, I guess

  15. I am dealing with an individual in one of my classes who is such a troublemaker. What I don’t understand is why some people will do dirt after you have done nothing but be good to them.

  16. AlohaKarina says:

    I had an enlightening conversation with my mom a couple years ago about a family member who had done something really…not cool. And she couldn’t figure it out any more than I could. And she said something that totally freed me, when I said I didn’t want to go out of my way to see this person any longer:

    “Don’t. If you have to see each other, just be nice. But I wouldn’t want to see that person, either.”

    WOW. My Mom always wanted all of our family to get along. I thought that meant we had to have a real relationship, you know–being close and all that. It turns out she just thinks we can interact kindly without any nastiness. I totally had her permission to stop dealing with that person, and it made my life SO much easier.

    You have to get rid of the negative. There is no sense in sacrificing yourself for “shoulds”.

  17. I have just been through this. Being around negative people – with whom you cannot work things out is not good and it’s not quitting. It took me a long time to recognize that I don’t have to let people treat me any old way they want. I have the power to walk away from folks who don’t treat me well, the way I would treat a good friend. You DO have to know when to stop trying and at least you DID TRY. GREAT POST! It really made me smile – you’re very wise.

  18. Savira says:

    A lesson that one should follow.Thank you

  19. Buena Laoang says:

    “.. but because you must know when to quit.”- indeed, Avdhessh Arya, we believe the same :) for that ‘quitting’ on your part, may just be the start of the other person’s learning..to see, realize, deal with the conflicts within him. just be kind (i believe you are!), for we don’t know what he’s really goin’ thru.. but you are certainly doing that family member a favor with that space you are allowing him to have. :) ~buena

  20. jsanmateo says:

    I don’t think quitting is quite the right word here. Surrender here is more appropriate. Not in the negative sense but more like accepting the moment and people as they are and moving on.
    Fighting other people’s negativity with more of your own only brings more of it into your life and all of a sudden you find yourself on their level.

  21. jsanmateo says:

    Reblogged this on Taming the Muse and commented:
    I think we’ve all been in this situation

  22. And how can I forget you Alpha…

    Thanks a ton! You are such a sweet heart :)

  23. eof737 says:

    Good point. Best to pick our battles and leave the rest. ;-)

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